Lynne Baab

Praying about the flow of time: Our Lady of Sorrows

Lynne Baab • Tuesday September 10 2024

I have been thinking a lot about sadness. My family moved 12 times in my first 15 years, and my mom was sad about the moves and affirmed my sadness as valid. Other than that, sadness was always viewed as a failure of thankfulness. I was supposed to be thankful that I wasn’t poor like my mom was in her childhood and teen years. Grateful that I had nice clothes like she didn’t have. Thankful that we could go on nice vacations like she never got to do. Grateful that I didn’t have to do farm work many hours a day like she did.

Mom was not alone in being unable to affirm sadness as a normal and even healthy component of human life. The broader culture was influenced by what I now understand to be toxic positivity. The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale was published in 1952. It became a runaway bestseller, influencing my childhood in the 50s and 60s.

As a result of these influences, I don’t sit with grief easily — grief for significant losses or for small ones. Maybe no one does. A friend taught me the phrase “sit in the dip.” Jesus is with us in the dips of life. He lets himself cry at the tomb of his friend Lazarus (John 11:35) and when he thinks about Israel’s lack of response to his coming (Luke 19:41-45).

Those stories weren’t a significant part of my Sunday School or church experience. When Jesus’s tears were briefly mentioned in my childhood, teen years, or early adult life, they were viewed as a curiosity, not a model. So, I learned to try to push myself out of sadness. Deeply ingrained in me is the belief that feeling sad is my fault. If I’m sad, I’ve done something wrong. As an Enneagram One, driven to do a good job at everything, sadness feels like a failure at the core of my being.

This is a lie. I am coming to believe that we need a lot of help and instruction for how to accept sadness and let ourselves feel it.

In my research for this series on praying about the flow of time, I was delighted to learn that September 15 is a day to celebrate Mary, the mother of Jesus, and her names Our Lady of Sorrows, Sorrowful Mother, or Our Lady of the Seven Sorrows.

The seven sorrows of Mary are:

• The prophecy of Simeon in Luke 2:25-35 where Simeon tells Mary a sword will pierce her heart
• The flight into Egypt in Matthew 2:13-23
• The loss of the child Jesus in the Temple in Jerusalem in Luke 2:41-51
• Mary meeting Jesus on the Via Dolorosa, the fourth Station of the Cross, which is not found in the Bible
• The crucifixion of Jesus in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and John 19
• Jesus’s descent from the cross in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and John 19;
• The burial of Jesus by Joseph of Arimathea in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and John 19

Protestants have often minimized the significance of Mary because sometimes it seems to us that Mary is overemphasized in the Roman Catholic tradition. As I read this list of sorrows and pondered these names for Mary related to sorrow, I wondered if Mary’s life might have something to teach me. If nothing else, looking up all the scriptures in those bullet points was soothing. Mary had to deal with a variety of sorrows, just like all of us do.

I have been pondering and praying about how to undo or resist the lie that feeling sad is somehow a failure on my part. Part of the answer lies in scripture, including Mary’s seven sorrows, as well as lament psalms, Jesus’s tears, and the Apostle Paul’s honesty about his struggles. Part of the answer lies in trying to give myself permission to feel sad despite the internal and external messages to keep a positive attitude. I need the support of caring friends who pray for me. I’m still deep in this journey, and I will keep you posted as I learn new strategies and approaches.

Jesus, you cried. Thank you that the Gospel writers recorded those powerful moments. Thank you that the Gospel writers also recorded the sadness of your mother, Mary, who experienced grief so many times during your life on earth. Thank you for the beauty and honesty in the Psalms. Thank you for the Apostle Paul’s honesty about his struggles. Help us learn to sit in the dip with you. Then, at the right time, help us let our sadness go and embrace the many gifts you give us each day. 

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My latest book has just been released, another collaboration between me as a writer and my husband Dave as an artist. Draw Near: A Lenten Devotional features a psalm for each day of Lent, accompanied by one of Dave’s gorgeous watercolors, brief thoughts, and reflection questions. The book can be used alone or in a group. For those of you not in the United States, be sure to visit your closest amazon site. For example, if you're in New Zealand, look for the book on amazon Australia.

If you use a kindle app on your phone, you’ll see Dave’s beautiful watercolors in color in the kindle version. For the paperback version, his watercolors printed really well. I am thrilled with how good they look.

Next week: the season of creation. This is the sixth post in a series about the flow of time and seasons, and how we might pray in response to holidays and seasonal changes. Illustration by Dave Baab: Harrison Lake, B.C., Canada.

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Lynne M. Baab, Ph.D., is a teacher and writer. She has written numerous books, Bible study guides, and articles for magazines and journals. Lynne is passionate about prayer and other ways to draw near to God, and her writing conveys encouragement for readers to be their authentic selves before God. She encourages experimentation and lightness in Christians spiritual practices. Read more »

Lynne is pleased to announce the release of her 2024 book, Friendship, Listening and Empathy: A Prayer Guide, illustrated with her husband Dave's beautiful watercolors. She is thrilled at how good the watercolors look in the printed book. Another recent book is Two Hands: Grief and Gratitude in the Christian  Life,  available in paperback, audiobook, and for kindle. Lynne's 2018 book is Nurturing Hope: Christian Pastoral Care for the Twenty-First Century, and her best-selling book is Sabbath-Keeping: Finding Freedom in the Rhythms of Rest (now available as an audiobook as well as paperback and kindle). You can see her many other book titles here, along with her Bible study guides.

You can listen to Lynne talk about these topics: empathy, bringing spiritual practices to life. Sabbath keeping for recent grads., and Sabbath keeping for families and children.

Lynne was interviewed for the podcast "As the Crow Flies". The first episode focuses on why listening matters and the second one on listening skills. 

Here are two talks Lynne gave on listening (recorded in audio form on YouTube): Listening for Mission and Ministry and Why Listening Matters for Mission and Ministry.

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"Dear Dr. Baab, You changed my life. It is only through God’s gift of the sabbath that I feel in my heart and soul that God loves me apart from anything I do."
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